A Humble Start

Oh wow! Ummmm, as you can tell from my lack of updating that motherhood took me a little off guard by being a little  harder than I expected.  (and I thought being pregnant was hard!) 

We made it all the way to 40 weeks! 

Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name give glory. Psalm 115: 1 

We were so thankful that our little guy decided to stay inside until he was fully ready...in fact...he decided to stay inside an extra week! I kept reminding myself that it was, indeed, a blessing that he would stay put and that he didn't come early. Although, I can't say that I didn't complain in my uncomfortable state. *sigh* Maybe, just maybe, I will learn. 

My mom and sister, Paige, came up to stay with me and wait, wait, wait for the baby to show up. 

On October 23, 2013 at 41 weeks I was induced. 

We thought labor would be quick since I went to the hospital at 5 cm dilated...but that didn't end up being the case. I labored for 11 hours wearing an oxygen mask to keep the baby's oxygen levels up. Finally, I was ready to push!...and I pushed and pushed and pushed for 3 hours! Just when I thought I couldn't last 5 more minutes he finally arrived! 

 Graham Alexander McKee. 8.8 lbs. 21 inches long born at 8:00 pm. 

I was so excited when they placed him in my arms. He didn't lay his head down, he just held it right up and looked me right in the eyes. We stared at each other for a couple minutes and then they took him away. His oxygen levels were dropping. They took him away at 8:30 and I wasn't allowed to see him again until the next morning. They came to my room in the middle of the night (of course, I was not sleeping) and told me they were taking him to the NICU. I sat in the darkness of my room and cried and cried. It was heartbreaking to not be allowed to go with him. 

They let me take this photo before they took him away and I looked at it all night long. 

Finally, morning came and I hobbled down to the NICU. I walked into the Graham's room and I found him in his isolette. I looked at him for a second...then he started to cry. I didn't know what to do! There weren't any nurses around and I didn't know how to call one! After searching the halls I just stared at him through the glass and cried too. This was not what I had expected. 

His machines all started beeping and for what seemed like hours but was probably only 30 seconds, I waited for the nurses. Graham's nurse came in and she was as calm as could be. She took such great care of him and of me! She let me touch him and then eventually hold him. 

We spent 4 days with Graham in the NICU. 

We were so excited to take him home! We thought we had already gone through the hardest part...we were totally unprepared for what the next couple of weeks would bring. 

In short, Graham  cried  screamed from 1-5 weeks old. We had no idea what the problem was and we tried everything. I cried all the time too, feeling like a terrible mother. We finally figured out that he was starving. :( I was only producing 1 ounce of milk every 3-5 hours which is definitely not enough for any baby to thrive on. He was getting thinner and thinner. We began to supplement with formula and he stopped crying right away. In fact, within 24 hours he even smiled for the first time! It was incredible! I had a completely different baby after that. Graham is now growing and thriving! He is the happiest baby! 

 I was completely brought to my knees and humbled through this experience. 

I was reminded this child belongs to the Lord. He knows exactly what he needs and will take care of him. Despite all of my failures and shortcomings he will use me to do it. I will not judge others like I might have been more prone to do before. I will be compassionate on other new moms. I will celebrate with them or cry with them. I will do what I can to help them. I do not know it all...in fact, I know very little. I do not have it all together, but I know the one who does, and he LOVES me. He loves my family. 

Sweeter gets the Journey! -Rebekah